Verbal mistakes by preachers

“As you know we like to have the truth properly confounded here, so we invite you back tomorrow night to hear brother ____ dispense with the gospel once again”; “Let me assure you that we have gathered here for no other purpose than to think on worldly things”; “It would simply be impossible for one to attend every service and get anything out of the sermons”; “We pray that if there has been any spark of revival lit during this meeting that the Lord will water that spark”; “We are thankful that brother ___ had the audacity to respond to last night’s invitation.” I once read [though difficult to believe actually happened] of a nervous usher who, in asking a lady to move to another seat, said: “Mardon me padom, but you’re occupewing the wrong pie. If you’ll arise and findly kollow me, I’ll sew you to your sheet!”

–Tom Wacaster